Vacation Plans and Realities

I always make grand plans for my vacations:  the novels that I am going to read, the words that I’m going to write, the miles that I am going to run, the tennis that I am going to improve, the French that I am also going to improve.  Basically, I want to perfect myself on vacation, and I always come up short in terms of my plans vs. reality. 

I am now on day 6 of my vacation;  we go back home the day after tomorrow.  The vacation is wearing down, and I realize that I only ran 5 miles twice instead of the planned 8 to 10 miles three to four times.  I also did not write as much as I’d hoped.  I thought that I’d catch up on my blog writing and would actually have some columns in reserve.  At this point, I am barely keeping pace with my workaday blogging habits.  Although I’ve downloaded some samples and read them, I have not made a dent in any novels.  In some ways, I feel like a failure.

Some other things have happened, though. I have been playing tennis almost every day, and getting praise about my progress (not sure how deserved) from much better players in my party.  I’ve been walking on the beach every morning with my husband (and sometimes kids if they want to get up), soaking up the ambience that does not exist in Dallas.  I have also gotten inspired and have done some writing (including this post) and a lot of newspaper reading, if no actual novels.  I’ve also resumed what I hope will be a lifelong photography habit. Perhaps tellingly, the pit of anxiety that has long since taken up permanent residence in the middle of my stomach is not there.

I know that I am hard on myself in just about every aspect of my life.  In addition, I am always looking for the life-changing thing to occur that will make everything so clear.  Maybe relaxation and renewal, further discovery of self, in addition to building memories and growing closer to family, is enough-the goal in itself.