Tough Time in the Yoga Room

For the first time, I had to sit out a couple of postures (well, actually a posture and a half) in yoga class the other day.  I don't know what was different;  maybe I didn't drink enough water.  It could also have been the bath I took the night before that had epsom salts and baking soda in it.  After a bath like that, it's important to drink a lot of water, so I am back to the not enough hydration theory.  Either way, the experience was something that I don't care to repeat.  

It's terrible to feel as though you are going to pass out in a room that is 104 degrees with 40% humidity.  It was more than feeling as though I would pass out;  I just felt plain sick.  In fact, I could barely sit down, let alone stand.  I really just wanted to ball myself up on my mat.  I didn't even know how I was going to drive home or would be able to stand to take a shower.  Luckily, the second half of the class is the "floor series", which means that the class is doing a lot of lying on the floor.  The floor series is still pretty tough, but easier to fake it a bit in the postures, if you know what I mean.  In any case, I was feeling considerably better by the end of class, if a little nervous that it would happen again.  Luckily, I have taken the class two times since then and have been perfectly fine.  In fact, in the last class I felt a bit less sweaty than usual, and I didn't feel as tired afterwards.  However, I made sure to drink lots of water during the day prior to the class.  It seems to be a good system. 

It's Getting Cooler

I am glad that I ran this morning, when it was still a bit warmer.  After a 90 degree day yesterday, we are now down in the low 60s, with rain and clouds making it feel colder (at least to me).  This morning the temperature was still in the low 70s, and felt warmer with the sun.  In fact, I wore shorts with a long sleeved shirt and kind of regretted it as I was sweating more than I really wanted to.  In a way, though, I like to sweat because it feels cleansing to me, and it makes me feel that I am working hard.

Ever since I got my new Garmin earlier this summer, I've obviously been more aware of my running times.  This is a good thing, but I can feel that I am putting pressure on myself to increase my times.  It's also been making me feel as if I am not 'developing' as a runner.  Now, I don't know if it's really all that important that I develop myself as a runner, or if it's enough just to be running regularly.  In fact, I have been running longer distances during the last year, 7, 8, and 10 miles, instead of just running the 5 miles that  I have been running for the last 16 years.  That in itself could be considered 'development'.  To be honest, feeling this pressure has resulted in me feeling less joy about running.  I will have to decide whether I want to continue to put pressure on myself to improve, or just enjoy the run.  

Raining

It's raining.  I haven't run today, or in almost a week, which is upsetting to me.  I curse myself that I didn't get a run in this morning, since I knew that it might rain.  Hopefully I will be able to run tomorrow.

Rainy days always feel like I am trapped under a lily pad.  I feel clammy;  my skin feels extra oily and my hair falls flat.  There is always something about rainy weather that makes me feel lethargic.  I don't really like rainy days.  I think about my ancestral homeland, Ireland, where it rains a lot.  I know that in another circumstance I might have grown up there and wonder if I would feel differently about rainy days if I did.  I suppose that I would run in the rain because I would have to and would be used to it.  I might even love it.  Alas, Texas is warm and sunny most of the time, and that is the weather I like the best.  Some people don't like that weather.  My grandmother, who grew up in Ireland and lived in Texas much later in life, seemed to like the hot, sunny Texas weather.  I bet it's easier to get used to the hot sunny weather than a damp climate, but I don't know for sure.  

I will lift weights today, and will hopefully do an ab workout in a little while.  I hope that I can run tomorrow.

Sick

I had a bad and, for me luckily, a rare experience.  I went to my Bikram yoga class after work the other day, and I actually had to sit out a couple of postures because I didn't feel well.  I felt dizzy, like I might pass out.  I was able to do most of the postures, but still didn't feel my best.  It's strange because this never happens to me.  The not-great feeling continued for the remainder of the evening, and even into the next couple of days.  I feel okay now, but I was feeling a bit weak yesterday and this morning.  I don't really know why, although I speculate that I may have been a bit dehydrated.

I have to smile a little at the thought.  "Dehydration" is something that celebrities say that they have when they want people to think they are in the hospital when they are actually in rehab.  Of course, I wasn't hospitalized or anything like that.  I just didn't feel that great and don't really know why this happened when it did.  Dehydration makes sense;  after all, I routinely run as well as do yoga in 100+ degree conditions.  Although I do try to drink as much water as possible and use electrolyte replacements after strenuous exercise, it probably isn't enough.  Added to the mix is the fact that I drink coffee and coca-cola, which are both dehydrating due to the caffeine.  I am basically a ticking time bomb for dehydration.  

What is the answer?  More water, of course.  I think that I also have not been eating enough.  I have lost a couple of pounds.  I definitely know that I don't want to feel like that again!   What is not the answer?  I won't be giving up caffeine any time soon... 

Quotes-September 2013

"You have to be true to yourself.  You have to be enough in touch with who you are and what you want, how you want to live, and what's important to you, to make your decisions based on that.  Sometimes that's very difficult.  Sometimes it's hard to have your own internal voice be heard.  You have just one life to live.  It is yours.  Own it, claim it, live it, do the best you can with it."
       
                                                                                                        -Hillary Rodham Clinton


"Are you smart?"
"Obviously."
"Then don't be scared."

                                                                                                        -From Jack Reacher



"Don't be afraid to be confused.  Try to remain permanently confused.  Anything is possible.  Stay open, forever, so open that it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen."

                                                                                                           -George Saunders

"Being realistic is the fastest track to mediocrity."

                                                                                                            -Will Smith


"Study your strengths, then decide how hard you want to work."

                                                                                                           -Martha Stewart


"One (quality for success) is heavy-duty resilience, a requirement because anyone who is really in the game messes up at some point.  You're not playing hard enough if you don't."

                                                                                                             -Jack Welch


"Strengthen self ceaselessly and cultivate virtue to nurture the world."

                                                                                                            -Binghua Vaiv


"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all.  Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach.  The world you desire can be won.  It exists...it is real...it is possible...it's yours."

                                                                                                             -Ayn Rand

Running is Boring

Of course, I don't think that running is boring.  However, boredom is one of the main reasons people give me for why they don't run.  Typically, such people are in good shape and pursue other types of exercise, but running is not their cuppa.

I was talking with a couple of colleagues at work today, one a runner and one not.  They both are committed to fitness in different ways.  One likes to run and skateboard, and one likes weight lifting and ju-jit-su (I definitely spelled that wrong, but I don't feel like looking it up right now).  The guy who does "jitz", as he calls it, is very fit and obviously dedicates a lot of time to fitness.  However, he thinks running is boring.  Even he admits that he runs a couple of hundred miles a year, mostly doing fun runs with a friend who is a running enthusiast.

I totally get why people think that running is boring.  I even get bored every once in awhile when I run.    People are just wired differently.  I like to listen to music when I run, and I find that I can often think better and come up with ideas that might otherwise have eluded me.  Sometimes I just let my mind wander, allowing it to go to places where it needs to go.  Other people might find that excruciating, much as I would if I had to hit a baseball or something.  One of my eyes is higher than the other, making it difficult to see small balls hurtling at me, but that is another story.  

I have to admit that I feel sorry for people who don't like to run because they don't experience what I do, which I suppose is part of the famous "runner's high".  They probably feel sorry for me when they see me running or even think of me running.  To each his own, I guess.

Thoughts of Marathons

Even though I have a running blog and consider myself an avid runner, I don't necessarily consider myself a runner with a capital R.  I mean, I don't run dozens of races every year.  I don't make my living as a runner.  I don't run 50 miles per week (right now).  However, in my circles I guess that I am considered to be a Runner inasmuch as I probably run more than anyone else that most of the people I know know personally (got that?).  What I am trying to say is that I get a lot of comments about running.  For example, a vendor I work with told me about her son who is training to run a half-marathon, and asked me if I was training for anything right now.  My brother-in-law made a comment (jokingly, but not entirely so) that I run ten miles a day.  My mother-in-law is incredulous (jokingly, but not entirely so) that I am not in the I.C.U. due to all of the running I do.  I've been admonished by a work colleague (not jokingly at all) not to ask him to run any more races because he has gotten too injured from previous ones.  In short, when a lot of people think of me, running is what comes to mind.

I wonder if I exaggerate my running, causing others to do so as well.  I don't think so.  I'm truthful about every mile I run.  However, all of the comments make me want to step up my game, and live up to the expectations that I feel as a result of hearing them.  

Since December I have trained for four half-marathons, and have run three (I bailed on one at the last minute due to a business trip and really cold and windy weather).  The summer was hot, as I may have mentioned.  I was trained out.  However, at my last half-marathon, the San Diego Rock and Roll, I signed up for next year's marathon.  It was a decision made in the excitement of the moment.  Anyone who has been at an expo the day before a race can probably relate.  I regretted it afterwards, but reasoned that I paid a relatively small price and still had a while to think about it.

I am also about to have a birthday.  It's not one of the major milestone birthdays, but I have decided to divide my life in half at it.  If I am somewhat lucky this will be the second half of my life.  Most of my relatives did not live as long as I hope to live, but I take pretty good care of myself (I run, after all) so I think I have a shot.  Accordingly, I should make some plans for the second half.  I've already made a start. 

The 2014 San Diego Marathon will be my next full marathon.

Pretending

Meryl Streep once said, "Pretending is not just play. Pretending is imagined possibility. Pretending, or acting, is a very valuable life skill and we do it all the time."  

A friend of mine at work is always very calm and cheerful in every circumstance, at least every circumstance I've ever seen her in at work.  I've always envied her ability to do that, and last week, when I was feeling less than calm and cheerful, I asked her how she managed it.  "This isn't real", she said, gesturing around the office.  Her kids and her life with them, that is 'real' for her.

Meryl Streep is obviously very successful at what she does, so maybe her words bear some pondering.  My friend, too, is very successful at what she does, and has certainly been able to weather some storms.  Maybe the idea of pretending, of considering circumstances not to be 'real', is helpful.  After all, what is 'real' anyway?  We all filter experiences through our own unique lenses, so no two people have exactly the same perception of any given event.  It's all at least a little different anyway, so how much of a leap is it to say that something is real vs. not?  

I've been spending the last week or so trying to develop the mindset of pretending.  For me, the idea of pretending helps me not to take things so seriously.  When things are real they are serious, and I can mess them up badly and ruin my life.  The thought of messing things up triggers my 'freeze' response, and I feel stuck in my tracks.  When things are pretend, they are a game.  It's like swearing in a different language, or Monopoly money.  

Of course, it's a good idea to keep some grip on reality, and maybe that grip can be easy to lose if one isn't careful.  Then again, pretending is pretending, as opposed to actually thinking that something isn't real.  It is indeed 'imagined possibility', and maybe it can help to make things possible.  As the saying goes, 'fake it 'till you make it'...   

Summer is Coming to an End

Summer may be nearly over, but one would hardly know it here in north Texas.  The temperatures are still around 100 degrees Farenheit, and people are still complaining about it.  In fact, people are complaining more than ever because they expected that things would have cooled down by now.  There is lots of excitement about football and school, and people are already starting to talk about being able to wear their warmer clothes.  Hot weather has no place in the picture.

Each year I find myself becoming more torn about the end of summer.  I love summer, and I love hot weather.  As I am fond of saying, that is why I live in Texas.  I grew up in Michigan, and remember the monotonous winters that lasted for at least five months.  I would walk to school backwards so that the frozen rain wouldn't sting my face.  Once in the classroom, it would take an additional 20 minutes for everyone to take off their outerwear, and the classroom smelled musty for the rest of the morning.  I had an uncle who lived in Texas, and when I'd see the temperature differences on the national weather map on the news, I'd think, "I need to move there".  Eventually, when I was 12, my family did.

However, as much as I like hot weather, I don't particularly love triple digit temperatures, and have found that they can really hamper my running.  I find it interesting that my best mile per minute time was achieved during the longest distance I ran this summer, when I ran the half-marathon in San Diego.  For those not in the know, San Diego temperatures in the summer are usually in the 70s, at least 20 degrees cooler than is typical in Dallas.

The weather will definitely be cooler (but not too cold) in late September and through most of October, but it gets unpredictable after that.  From November through March, just about anything can happen, weather-wise.  There could be a blizzard, or it could be in the 80s.  I like the fact that the weather isn't monotonous, but am dreading the cold in a way that I don't dread the summer heat.  Of course, when it gets really cold, that's when Bikram Yoga is especially satisfying.  The yoga room is the one place where a person can feel truly warm, particularly when it's just too cold to run.

After a Run I Feel Better

I have a tendency to get a bit anxious from time to time, which has shown up in a previous post.  This time it is about my car.  The tire light came on, telling me that my rear tire was low.  This has happened before, especially when the weather changes.  The weather had not changed (it was still hot), so I thought it was a little strange, but the car can be a little sensitive when it comes to tire pressure.  My husband and I went to fill up the tire today, which we thought was all that needed to be done, instead finding out that the tire has a leak and won't hold air.  Luckily it is a "run flat" tire, which means that it will run for about 50 miles.  After that it may just completely fall apart for all I know.  

The tire light originally came on Friday when I was on my way home from my Bikram Yoga class.  I went home, went to work, went to get my bi-weekly mani/pedi, and came back home.  I did not use the car at all the rest of the weekend except to try to put air in the tires, which probably added another 2-3 miles.  All in all, I went 25 or so miles, which means that I have another 25 or so to go.  Luckily there is a dealership very close to where I work, and I bought tire coverage, which means that this could be relatively convenient and at no cost.  

However, I am a little worried that I will have to bring it to the dealership where I bought it, which means that I would have to drive a lot further, and will most likely go over the 25 or so miles I have left.  Another reason that I don't want to go back to the original dealership is that I might run into the guy who sold me the car, who used to be my friend until he texted me a naked picture of himself, but that is another story.  A part of the "other story" that relates to running is that I also used to run in a group that included him and his wife, but I only mention that because this is a running blog.  

In any case, I reacted sort of badly about the tire, and was probably not as nice about it as I should have been to my husband.  I didn't yell or get abusive or anything, but I got upset and I feel guilty because he truly is the sweetest husband I could ever hope to have.  He was probably especially happy that tonight was his weekly dinner date with his dad, so he could get away from the car drama for awhile.

After he left, I went for a run.  I try to make it a rule that I don't run more than two days in a row when the temperature reaches triple digits, but today I made an exception because it rained last night and was a bit cooler, and also I was upset and running can be very helpful in that circumstance.

Running came to the rescue again!  When I went out, I was still ruminating over the problem, what I was going to do, the negative things that could happen, etc.  By the time I got finished (I did 5 miles) I felt so much better and was worrying and ruminating a lot less.  The whole calm fest I was having for myself has waned a bit, but I am still in better shape than I was earlier.  As I prepare to go back to work after the three day weekend and deal with everything, I have hope that things will work out.  

The English say that tea will cure everything (being Irish and having had an Irish grandmother and a large Irish extended family who are actually in Ireland, I can vouch for the Irish having a similar philosophy.  And yes, the Irish and English are still very different cultures and countries, which, surprisingly, a lot of people don't seem to appreciate).  No disrespect to the Irish or English (I love a good cuppa myself), but the way they feel about tea is the way I feel about running-it also makes one feel better, no matter what.  Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without it.

Hard Run

Today's run was harder than I thought it would be.  Part of the problem was that the temperatures were in the triple digits today, whereas last week they were only in the high 90s.  Believe me, it makes a difference.  I was just starting out for my run today when I saw one of my neighbors.  "Be careful," she said, "it's very hot out today.  I worry about you!".  I have run many times in the Dallas heat, and my neighbors are there to witness it if they happen to be driving out of our cul de sac, or looking out the window as I walk by, prodding my Garmin to 'find satellites'.  I suspect that a few of them do indeed worry a little bit about me, if only for my sanity.  

As I neared mile two of my seven mile run, I came across some little kids manning a lemonade stand.  They probably hadn't had a lot of customers, because when they saw me they all went into a frenzy of various activities.  One girl ran towards me, so much so that I would have run right over her if I didn't alter my course just a bit.  "I'm sorry," I called out, "but I don't have any money with me."  The kids really must have wanted to unload some lemonade, because the little girl offered to give it to me for free.  I told her no thanks, then felt guilty that I didn't bring a few dollars with me for such a purpose.  The lemonade was only twenty-five cents, but I'd like to help the kids out a bit, and reward their entrepreneurial spirit.  As a former business owner myself, I know that is important.  However, I rarely even have actual money these days, let alone carry it on my sweaty person during a seven mile one hundred and whatever degree run. 

If the kids had still been at the stand on my way back, I might have taken the little girl up on her offer.  Alas, they were gone, probably because their parents realized that it was too damned hot for them to be outside.  I was certainly feeling that way by then.

I was a bit more dazed than usual when I staggered back into the cul de sac-it had indeed been a rough run.  My husband happened to be outside, which was especially strange because he was already dressed to go out in a long sleeved shirt.  We were going out to dinner as a continued celebration of Restaurant Week.  He said he was getting worried about me because he thought that my run was taking a bit too long and he thought that something might have happened to me.  My time actually wasn't bad compared to my usual time at that mileage, but he was probably worried about how I'd fare in the heat. 

I love the summer, and I also love the heat.  I don't love triple digit temperatures, but I'll take them instead of monotonously long and cold winters.  However, I will be glad to see September and October get here, and along with them better running temperatures.     

Book Review-The Husband's Secret

Pandora's box-we are all warned against opening it, since legend says that all manner of horrible ills will result.  However, when faced with a Pandora's box-like situation, most of us are tempted to discover the hidden truths that could exist inside.  Liane Moriarty's novel explores what can happen when secrets are revealed. 

Cecilia Fitzpatrick has what she thinks is a nice life-a husband, three daughters, and a successful Tupperware sales business.  Everything changes when she finds her own Pandora's box-a letter from her husband, marked "only to be read in the event of my death" and hidden away in the attic.  Although her husband is very much alive, and tells her not to read the letter, she ends up reading it anyway.  The result is life-changing, of course.

Cecilia's life intertwines with those of two other women, Tess and Rachel, who live in her Sydney, Australia neighborhood and are involved in the same Catholic church.  All three have very different lives and challenges.  Tess is taken aback when her husband confesses that he is in love with another woman-her cousin and best friend since birth.  Rachel is grappling with the horrible effects of the murder of her teenaged daughter almost thirty years before.

I have to admit that I was a bit put-off by the flowery cover and title worthy of a bodice ripper.  However, given the positive reviews I decided to give the book a chance and am glad that I did.  It does wrap up a bit too neatly, but there are also twists and turns along the way.  The problems faced by the women feel real, and their moral quandaries understandable.  It would certainly qualify as chick-lit, but only in the best way, meaning that it is an intelligent and absorbing read.  

Bodies Haven't Changed...Why Do Diets?

Like many companies today, mine has a wellness initiative.  As part of the initiative, we receive various kinds of information about diet, exercise, smoking, and other behaviors affecting health.  Today, we had a "lunch and learn" about diet and wellness.

Our wellness consultant, who was on the phone, gave a PowerPoint presentation about insulin and blood sugar.  Basically, she said that carbohydrates only stay in the body for a short time, so we feel hungry soon afterwards and our blood sugar spikes more than with fats or proteins.  She talked about the "white devils" that include wheat, sugar, rice, and pasta.  She said that a breakfast of bacon and eggs cooked in butter with a side of berries is better than cereal and skim milk with orange juice.  She sang the praises of the Paleo diet while denouncing doing too much cardio, and declared that the best exercise was circuit training.

Basically, she dissed everything that I do and advocated everything that I do not like.

I realize that high-protein diets are very popular, as is weight bearing exercise.  Crossfit and meat are in, while running and pasta are out.  The thing is, I am old enough to remember when the opposite was advocated-stay away from fat, and chow down on pasta and rice.  Before that, my parents were told to eat cottage cheese and steak to lose weight.  Bodies haven't changed, so why does the optimal diet seem to change each generation?  It's similar to the conventional wisdom about babies-nowadays they must be put on their backs or they will choke on their own spit-up, whereas when my daughter was little it was practically infanticide not to place them on their bellies.  But I digress.

I don't pretend to understand all of the details about how the human body works.  When our wellness consultant showed us her slide depicting all of the fat cells in the liver spilling out of what appeared to be a funnel, I sort of got the idea but I found it a bit hard to grasp completely.  However, I do know what works for me.  I practically live on carbs-I always have.    I've never been a fan of fatty foods, meat, or dairy.  Furthermore, although I lift weights and do Bikram Yoga (not as cardio intensive as some), running is my first exercise love.

There has always been some controversy and confusion about diet and exercise.  I honestly don't think that anybody has the one true answer.  I do know that, in American society at least, people keep getting fatter and more sedentary.  Maybe the same things don't work for everyone.  I do know what works for me.  Therefore, when a wellness consultant tells me how I should eat and exercise, I will listen, smile politely, possibly take some of the advice, and leave what I know doesn't work for me.   

Quotes, Marvelous Quotes!

I am a huge fan of quotes.  I collect them because they inspire me.  I get them from everywhere.  I will read something in a book, or online, or hear someone say something, and I make sure to note it in the journal that I always have with me.  I like to think that if could just absorb the quote, that I might live my life better in some small way, with the quotes adding cumulative value for my overall self-improvement.

  I could probably type the quotes into my phone or iPad, but I think that I retain the quote better if I write it in my own hand.  I always think that I will have the chance to go back to my journal and read the quotes, and sometimes I do, but not often enough.  With the desire for further study and retention in mind, as well as for possible inspiration for others, here are some of the quotes I've written down in the last month or so...

"There are all sorts of unknowns.  The first step is literally just to say you're going to do it, and the second step is to start doing it."     -Andre Durand, New York Times Corner Office, July 19, 2013

"You have an abundance of natural ability, and, with your mind made up, you can accomplish much.  You are impulsive, and your intuition is more apt to be correct than your careful reasoning.  You like social life and have many enjoyable interests outside of your home."     -A book about birthdays, about the September 24 birthday.

"Everything around us that we call life was made up by people no smarter than you.  And you an build your own things and you can build your own life that other people can live in."     -Ashton Kutcher

"At some point in your life you realize who is important, who is no longer important, and who will always be important.  So, don't worry about the people from your past;  there is a reason why they didn't make it to your future."     -Unknown

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader."     -John Quincy Adams

"Watch your thoughts;  they become words.
Watch your words;  they become your actions.
Watch your actions;  they become habits.
Watch your habits;  they become your character.
Watch your character;  it becomes your destiny.
Therefore, your thoughts become your destiny."     -Attributed to Margaret Thatcher

Anxiety

Anxiety.  It seems to be my middle name.  I get anxious about almost everything, including being anxious.  Right now I am anxious for a lot of reasons, but the top reason is that I am waiting for a package that hasn't arrived.  The tracker says that the package is on the truck for delivery today.  I even came home from work to wait for it.  This was a bit of a risk because a lot of people have been jumping ship at work lately and I think that my boss thinks I'm one of them and that I'm really at a job interview.  No-I told the truth, which is that I'm waiting for a package.  I've been waiting since this morning, and it's almost 6 p.m. now.  

I realize that almost everyone living in this and many countries have had the same exact thing happen to them, but it doesn't lessen my anxiety.  I can't stay home from work again tomorrow to wait for the package.  If it doesn't come today (which is looking increasingly unlikely) I have to hope that my husband will be home when the truck arrives tomorrow (if indeed it does come tomorrow).  If not, I will probably have to go to some location out in the middle of nowhere, where I'll wait in a long line only to be told that they don't have it at that location.  It's happened to me before.  I would have had the darn thing delivered at work in the first place, and I tried to, but the place I ordered from got weird about the "bill to" and "ship to" addresses being different. 

First world problems, I know.  I wonder how I would fare in the desert, or the jungle, or some other third world place?  I would probably still have anxiety!    

I Thought There Was a Cold Front Coming In

In Texas in the summer, it is hot.  I know that I've said that before, but it bears repeating.  It may not be like some places that regularly record temperatures of 120 degrees Farenheit or more, but we regularly get temperatures of over 100 degrees in the summer.  This week there was supposed to be a cold front, which means that it was going to be in the 90s.  I was excited about this because I hadn't run in several days.  Running last week in the high temps, plus continuing fatigue from the previous week's vacation in a different time zone, meant that I needed to take a break for a few days.  Even though it was still very hot today (the cold front didn't come after all), I wanted (needed) to run. 

While the run was not a disaster by any means, it was a disappointment.  I ran 7 miles.  I planned to do one of my "medium" runs, which means that I would run either 7 or 8 miles.  I have been running one medium run and one "long" run, meaning 10 miles, on the weekends.  In addition to this I run at least one "short" run, meaning 5 miles, during the week.  However, in the major heat of the summer I have been settling for two medium runs during the weekends, and one or two short runs during the week.

What I like to do is run 8 or 10 miles on Saturday and 7 miles on Sunday.  That way, I am sure to get the longer run in and I feel like I can relax, at least comparatively speaking.  Even when I tell myself I'll only run 7, I usually end up running 8.  Today, I was feeling so hot and I knew that I would suffer a lot if I stayed out for 8.  Even though I was glad that I ran at all, I was left with a feeling of dissatisfaction.  I'll feel bad if I don't run 8 miles tomorrow.

Running in the Heat

August in Dallas is hot.  This week has seen temperatures of over 100 degrees every day.  During a run, this obviously feels less than comfortable.  Sweat is pouring down into the eyes, the Garmin shows times and other stats that are disappointing to say the least, and it is exhausting in general.  

My rule is that I never run more than two times in a row when the temperature gets so high.  However, in my zeal for running I sometimes forget about that rule, as I did earlier this week.  I am definitely paying the price now.  I am more tired, and my husband would probably tell you that I am a bit more irritable, even emotional, and if you knew me you would know that that was really saying something.  I am normally not what you would call particularly emotional anyway, so most people wouldn't notice much, but I certainly do and so do the people I live with.  At least we know what the problem is, and that I now have it under control so it won't last much longer.

I haven't forgotten my rule very often, but the first time was a doozy.  I hadn't actually made the rule at that point because I hadn't yet realized its necessity.  I had been running in weather that I knew was hot, but I didn't know that it had crossed the magical triple digit threshold until the radio announcer I heard on my Walkman during the run (this was many years ago, when I was young and foolish and Walkmans ruled for on-the-go music) said that Dallas had already had three days of over 100 degree temperatures and was expecting more.  He even said that everyone should stay indoors as much as possible due to the danger of heatstroke and the like.  I worried a little, because I had run every one of those three days.  However, I thought that since I felt okay, I'd keep on, and I even felt so good that I ran the next day.  By the day after, which was a Friday, I could barely get out bed to stand upright.  I called in sick to work, took my daughter to school, and went to the store to buy the largest bottle of Gatorade and the biggest watermelon I could find.  I then staggered into my apartment and stayed on the couch for the better part of that weekend, barely able to move, trying to get fluids into my dehydrated body.

I know that I am not the only runner to do something like that, and I am definitely not the only athlete to perform in sub-optimal conditions.  Why do we do it?  The same reason that we always do it.  Running, and I imagine many other athletic pursuits, makes many of us feel good.  I'd even use the word addiction to describe what happens.  There have been times I've been driving home and will see someone already out running and feel a stab of jealousy.    Then I remember that that will be me in a few minutes, when I get home and lace up my running shoes.  And by this weekend, even if it's triple digit temperature time, I'll be out there, probably doing 8 miles instead of my usual (non-heatstroke advisory warning) 10.  I'll be back to normal in a month or so, and I'll hope for a mild winter!   

The Restorative Power of Vacations

Most of my vacations are actually a mix of vacation and work, as I imagine is the case for many people.  If I’m not actually doing a lot of work, I’m thinking about it, ruminating about the many projects, problems, and issues that I left back at the office and that await me upon my return.  It’s hard to relax completely since my mind is going a thousand miles an hour.  No matter what I’m doing or how much fun I’m having, that little pit of worry in my gut never quite goes away.

This vacation was different.  I can’t say exactly why.  I did all of the usual things on the vacation (we go to the same spot each year for a week in late July or early August).  I walked on the beach every morning.  I did a little running, played some tennis, and even paddle-boarded and kayaked for the first time.  In the afternoons, I’d sit by the pool and do some reading.  In the mornings and evenings, I ate with family members, many of whom I only see a couple of times a year.  I deliberately did not think about work, which was probably the game changer.  For the first time, I came back home feeling refreshed and restored. I have clarified some goals that I want to achieve.  I feel more confident.  I feel like taking more risks, being more fearless, being more competitive.    

What happened to me is what the best vacations are supposed to do.  Will it hold?  I hope so.  

Vacation Plans and Realities

I always make grand plans for my vacations:  the novels that I am going to read, the words that I’m going to write, the miles that I am going to run, the tennis that I am going to improve, the French that I am also going to improve.  Basically, I want to perfect myself on vacation, and I always come up short in terms of my plans vs. reality. 

I am now on day 6 of my vacation;  we go back home the day after tomorrow.  The vacation is wearing down, and I realize that I only ran 5 miles twice instead of the planned 8 to 10 miles three to four times.  I also did not write as much as I’d hoped.  I thought that I’d catch up on my blog writing and would actually have some columns in reserve.  At this point, I am barely keeping pace with my workaday blogging habits.  Although I’ve downloaded some samples and read them, I have not made a dent in any novels.  In some ways, I feel like a failure.

Some other things have happened, though. I have been playing tennis almost every day, and getting praise about my progress (not sure how deserved) from much better players in my party.  I’ve been walking on the beach every morning with my husband (and sometimes kids if they want to get up), soaking up the ambience that does not exist in Dallas.  I have also gotten inspired and have done some writing (including this post) and a lot of newspaper reading, if no actual novels.  I’ve also resumed what I hope will be a lifelong photography habit. Perhaps tellingly, the pit of anxiety that has long since taken up permanent residence in the middle of my stomach is not there.

I know that I am hard on myself in just about every aspect of my life.  In addition, I am always looking for the life-changing thing to occur that will make everything so clear.  Maybe relaxation and renewal, further discovery of self, in addition to building memories and growing closer to family, is enough-the goal in itself.

Breaking Bad News to a Friend

It’s hard to break bad news, and harder still to break it to a friend.  The hardest thing is when the news is only news to her-everyone else can see the obvious.

I have a friend who is going through a hard time in the romance department.  First she happily announced on Facebook that she and her new guy “have not been dating long, but are very committed”, then posted pictures and updates recounting their various activities, such as attending a family (his) get-together.  Not long after, she very unhappily announced, also on Facebook, that he told her that he “needs his space”.  What’s more, he doesn’t want her to contact him-he will contact her “when he’s ready”.   In her mind, their situation is merely on hold, and will resume if she is patient.  Oh, dear.  

Maybe it’s so clear to me because I have been in her position more than once.  I have hoped against hope that the guy I wanted to be with wanted to be with me, and didn’t want to see that he didn’t.  Of course, I don’t know my friend’s guy, and I don’t know their specific situation.  There is, in fact, a slight chance that he might be the one in a hundred (thousand…million?) who really does temporarily just “need his space” to work a few things out, and they really might end up living happily ever after if she can just be patient.  Who am I to say with absolute certainty that that isn’t the case?   In truth, I really cannot.

Being a friend, however, I just can’t bring myself to say what many others are saying and what I know she wants to hear, that he will come around when he’s had a chance to work out whatever he needs to work out.  A few of her friends focus on how great she is, that however things turn out, she will be fine and will end up with someone who understands how amazing she really is.   That is probably the best approach.  It’s also the truth;  she is an amazing person, and deserves someone who recognizes that fact and adequately appreciates her brand of amazing-ness.

Here is what I want to say:  for whatever reason, he doesn’t want to be with you.  Probably it’s not anything you did;  whatever is going on, it almost certainly has more to do with him than you.  Maybe someone else has come into the picture and he wants to be with her.   Maybe he was using you and it’s time to move on.  Maybe he thinks that you are moving too fast and it scared him off.  Whatever.  He doesn’t want to be with you, and not boding well for his character, he doesn’t have the guts to tell you.  Maybe he isn’t closing the door entirely because he’s hedging his bets in case something (someone?) else doesn’t work out.  In any case, the worst thing that you can do is “be patient” and wait for him “to come around”. 

I don’t say it, because I know that I would not have wanted to hear it myself when I was going through the same thing.   Heartbreak is unquestionably one of the crappiest experiences in the world.  So what do I tell her?  I’ll let you know when I think of something.

Rain Running

I have to admit that it's fair to describe me as a fair weather runner, although I truly think that it's because I live in Texas.  When I say fair weather, I mean that I don't usually run if it is too cold or too rainy.  It's easy to be a fair weather runner in my part of Texas, because the weather is pretty nice year-round, and cold and/or rainy days are relatively rare.  Of course, what I've just said only applies if you like hot weather, as I do.  If I lived somewhere colder, I'd probably be much hardier in terms of running in the cold.

  It has been unseasonably rainy here for about a week now, and I can only take so much.  I finally decided that it was time to run, rain be damned.  Besides, it looked pretty good when I started my run.    

The more that I don't run, the harder it is to get out there and do it, and it had been the better part of a week.  I ended up running 8 miles.  The amazing thing was that I didn't even want to run, but I told myself I would do 7 or 8, thinking for sure that it would be 7 given my initial lack of desire.  When I reached the halfway point for 7 miles when I'd ordinarily turn back, I kept going, both surprising and delighting myself.  Then, I started down the path for my 10 mile point, and I said to myself-I'm going to do it!  Two things stopped me.  One, it had started raining.  Two, there was a couple at the start of the 10 mile turnoff who were engaging in a rather intimate kiss.  I figured that I had two signs for turning back, so I humored fate.  Soon, however, I began to wish I had turned back earlier because it started to thunder rather loudly, there was lightning, and it started raining harder.  I started to wonder what my chances were of getting struck by lightning and how long it would be before someone found me lying in the street.  I wondered if my decision to run that day would ultimately be my undoing-my swan song, as it were.  Luckily, it didn't come to that.  

Book Review-The Execution of Noa P. Singleton

Noa P. Singelton is on death row, but does she deserve to be there?  That is the mystery posed in The Execution of Noa P. Singleton, Elizabeth L. Silver's debut novel.  Noa herself provides an answer to the question during the course of the book-or does she?  

Noa is not a likable narrator, at least at the beginning of the story.  Seemingly contemptuous of most of the people with whom she comes into contact, she fancies herself a queen who is attended by her jailers.  She has been in prison for many years, having never spoken a word in her own defense during a sensational murder trial.  When we first meet Noa, she is six months away from her execution date.  Unexpectedly, she gets a visit that changes her very small death row existence.  Marlene Dixon, a high powered attorney as well as the mother of the girl whom Noa is in prison for killing, offers to petition the governor to commute Noa's sentence to life imprisonment in exchange for finding out what really happened the night her daughter died.  As it turns out, Marlene has a few secrets of her own, and a complicated relationship with Noa that predates her daughter's murder.

The book is a bit hard to get into at first due to overly florid language and a less than likable narrator, Noa herself, as well as other unsympathetic characters.  However, the novel quickly becomes a compelling read that will have the reader on the edge of his or her seat, tearing through chapter after chapter to find the next link in the story to discover the truth about what really occurred.

Yoga

I’ve been practicing yoga on and off for about six years, and currently practice Bikram Yoga.  For the uninitiated, and admittedly I am simplifying here, Bikram Yoga is “hot” yoga practiced in a room that is over 100 degrees.  The practice consists of twenty-six postures each done twice and held for up to a minute each, which is a lot longer than it sounds.   As anyone who has ever tried it will tell you, Bikram Yoga is not easy.  It does, however, help with balance and flexibility, allow for mind-clearing meditation, and work the body from the inside out to achieve the benefits.   The main reason that I practice Bikram Yoga is that I hope that it will help to keep my knees in good shape so that I can avoid running injuries.

In addition to the hoped-for knee benefits, yoga teaches me lessons about life.  For example, I was recently in a class in which the teacher was obviously new and not very confident in her delivery of dialogue and instructions (the dialogue is very important in Bikram Yoga).  As a consequence, I, and I sensed others, were frustrated because we were concerned that she was keeping us in the postures too long.  If you’ve ever done Bikram Yoga, or at least if you are me, you struggle to stay in the postures for the required time and definitely don’t want to hold them for any longer than absolutely necessary (it’s over 100 degrees in the room, after all).  At first I found myself getting upset, but then I decided just to have fun with the situation.  Usually I am rather intimidated by the rigor of the class and the teachers who call me out (Shamrockstar-straighten that leg!), but since that wasn’t happening I decided to stop worrying about how well I was doing the postures and focus on “being in the moment”.  As a consequence, I probably had almost the same experience physically as I would have had in another class, but was able to let go mentally.  As they say, I took my class to a whole new level.  Life has the same challenges.  When we are faced with a situation that is not ideal, it’s easy to get angry and give up, but the alternative is to adapt to the situation, which can render the end result even better than expected.  I think that sports in general teach this lesson very well.  A game, or a yoga class, is sort of a lifetime in miniature-there are the victories, the defeats, the frustrations, and the celebrations that happen over the course of an hour or two or three.  These physical contests, whether against another team, person, or just oneself, help us to see the bigger picture of life.  I am grateful that yoga gives me a way to understand life a bit better, and hopefully act accordingly.

Why I Love Running

I wasn’t always a runner.  I was not one of those people who ran track in high school.  I was briefly on the track team in junior high, but I was too scared to actually run a race and was cut from the team for the next year.  I made a lot of false starts with running, no pun intended.  I would determine to go to a local track after school, would get a few minutes into a run, and would run out of gas quite soon after and quit.  Basically, I was non-athletic in the extreme during my teen years and early twenties.  Finally in my mid-20s I began cycling with my then-husband.  We would ride with our young daughter in an attached carrier, where she was well protected and free to play with toys while watching the scenery go by.  I don’t know exactly why, but I always thought about running and was eventually drawn back to it.  Tentatively, I would run around a small park in town, slowing down often, but gradually working my way up to longer runs. 

For many years I ran 5 miles at least a couple of times a week, even running a marathon and some smaller races.  It has only been the last six months or so that I have really ramped up my running, having run three half-marathons in the last six months and regularly running 10 miles one day per week in addition to several shorter runs.  At this point, I can’t imagine my life without running.

So why do I love running?  I get some of my best ideas while running.  I suppose that the brain is freer to think once the body is hard at work.  I enjoy listening to music while running and getting into the groove of my favorite, usually 80s, music.  I also enjoy the nicely tired feeling I get once I’m finished.  Running does get addictive.  If I go more than a few days without running, I get irritable.  Certainly, I like the health benefits of running as well as the calorie burning properties. Sometimes the first couple of miles are tough, and I wonder how I will make it through the next three or five or eight, but by the end I feel quite euphoric.   Additionally, I love logging time on my watch and uploading my workouts, seeing what I have accomplished.  Keeping track of my runs electronically is actually something I just started doing in the last month.  I’ve had a GPS enabled watch for years, but never really used it much.  Now, I never run without it and the paired heart rate monitor.  It’s exciting to see the results of my hard work visible on a computer screen, and makes an analytical person like me very happy!

11th Anniversary-90th Birthday

Today is the eleventh anniversary of my grandmother’s death.  Of course I miss her, and she still my hero and my greatest inspiration.  Teresa Anne Clarke was born in County Fermanagh, Northern Ireland on January 17, 1920.  Perhaps ironically, she shared a birthday with Benjamin Franklin, who was one of my childhood heroes along with another notable of the American Revolution, John Adams.  

When I was a kid, most of the grandmothers I knew were jolly, at least somewhat chubby old ladies who stayed home and baked cookies, and they definitely did not have Irish accents.  My grandmother was thin as a rail, worked full-time as a nurse way past retirement age, and bless her, possessed cooking skills commensurate with the stereotype of people from her native land.  She could also be tough, saying exactly what she thought to whomever she wished to say it, which sometimes caused me not a little discomfort.  However, she was mother, father, and grandma to me, raising me from the time I was a toddler.  She worked hard to instill in me a sense of faith, honesty, and integrity.  Because of her, I've never doubted that I could do anything-that the world was open to me.  I honestly don't know where I'd be if it weren't for her.  

Today also would have been my Uncle Tony’s 90^th birthday.  Yes, my grandmother died on her brother’s 79^th birthday.  My uncle was known for his intelligence and humor.  Uncle Tony was a chemical engineer, but he told my brother and me that he was a comical engineer, which made more sense to us given our age at the time, and considering his dry wit.  On a good day, I like to think that I get my sense of humor from him.  During his career he lived in The Hague, Japan, and the United States, of which he and my grandmother both became naturalized citizens.   While my grandmother lived in the U.S. for the remainder of her life after marrying my American grandfather during World War II, my uncle lived his last years in Ireland, having moved back there after retiring.

This time of year used to be reserved soley for Independence Day and its meaning to me as an American.  For the last eleven years, and certainly for the remainder of my life, it has an additional meaning.  I think of two fantastic people who, while not born in this country, loved and respected it and grew to think of it as their home.

About me

I began my career in running a bit late in life, at the relatively advanced age of 30.  Prior to that, I mostly sat on the couch each evening watching old sitcom reruns and eating Doritos and Cheez-its.  Making up for lost time, I started at the top, running a marathon although my previous longest running distance had been just 10 miles.  With the help of strong painkillers, I was able to limp through the next several weeks.  Buoyed by my initial success, I embarked on a decades-long odyssey of running, even winning some medals that were for more than just finishing.  In fact, sometimes I even placed 3^rd or 4^th in my age group in the, shall we say, smaller races.  A negative side effect that I have suffered due to my love for running is painfully severe and horrifyingly unpredictable toe cramps, which podiatrists have told me are exacerbated by my insistence upon wearing high heels.  However, it’s worth it, at least for now.  I like to listen to music while running, but am too embarrassed to tell anyone what is on my iPod.  Regarding my playlist, I will only claim that the most embarrassing artist there is Wang Chung, which sadly is not even close to being the truth.